“If he's bad at something simple like kissing, how will he be in bed?" She laughed at me, and had been laughing since I started telling her about the weird kiss I'd had to endure on my latest first date.
We'd had a nice evening, interesting conversation, a fairly nice dinner, and he was keen to get to the kissing, promising a great technique that women love. Naturally I was expecting soft lips, pressed to mine firmly, gently opening his mouth, his tongue tentatively exploring further into my open mouth. His hands holding my head, running his fingers through my hair, his body pressed against mine, breathless passion coursing between us. But no. I got none of that. He licked me!! I swear it's true - he licked me!!
So much is at stake with that first kiss. It can make or break a first date and ultimately determine if there will ever be a second date
His hands clamped my head over my ears, holding me still so I couldn't pull away then came at me open mouthed with his tongue hanging out like a Bassett hound! He licked around my mouth, he licked my chin and my nose, then proceeded to lick my teeth before pressing his lips to mine and forcing the full length of his tongue between my teeth. I came so close to biting it off but I thought that might be inappropriate on a first date, and a little difficult to explain to his wife.
We went our separate ways and I didn't reply to his text the next morning. I felt bad, but I didn't know how to tell him, especially when he seemed proud of his technique. I will tell him of course, but it made me realise just how important good kissing is. Grace almost wetting herself didn't help either. So much is at stake with that first kiss. It can make or break a first date and ultimately determine if there will ever be a second date.
Normally I've only ever come across single bad kissers, but this guy was married. He'd been with his wife for 13 years. I couldn't imagine him being around for 13 minutes of that never mind 13 years. I did wonder if the sex, excitement, passion and snogging had died off in their relationship because she was sick of being licked. A tongue bath every day must be wearing after a while. Unless, as Grace pointed out, she liked it, and thought it was sexy. But I began to wonder if this was something he'd developed for his adulterous persona. He'd been out of the dating game for years. I'm sure he didn't know if things had changed - but I wondered if he was trying a new technique out specifically for his new mistress or for any of his conquests.
I have to admit, I surprised myself at how quickly I shut the door on this one. As nice as he was, as interesting, attractive and charming he was, I shuddered at the thought of having to kiss him again. No doubt I'll get round to having the 'We'll work best as friends' conversation.
People are always fascinated, and shocked, when I mention how many married men I have dated, but dating doesn't necessarily mean having a full blown affair. I have met so many men who have remained friends, either because we didn't find each other attractive or their situation wasn't conducive to my needs. On the occasions the chemistry has been just right then things have gone further, after several weeks I might add. But now and again, I will meet someone who seems just right, he is perfect on paper, perfect on the phone, perfect on a first date and then, as in the case of the 'licker', something just bursts the bubble and ends it forever. I have to admit, that happened far more when I was dating single men, it seems married men have had the bubble popping habits surgically removed – at least most of them!
So, another one bites the dust, and I'm sad because he was lovely, but the essential conversation about being friends will be had over the next week. I'm really not sure whether I should tell him why, because then I risk losing the friendship we have already worked on. I didn't tell the single guy how repulsive it was to watch him lick his plate in the restaurant, so maybe he's offending women all over the north but has absolutely no clue why. The plate licker was bad enough, but a face licker? It's just wrong! How do you possibly broach a sensitive subject though? It’s like body odour, or bad breath - when and how do you have the 'smelly chat'?
Have you ever had to teach a man how to kiss, or tell him he smelt bad? Or did you take the cowards way out, like me, and dump him? I'd love to know and I'll let you know next week how the chat goes!
'Karen uses leading married persons dating website IllicitEncounters.com'