Everyone has a skeleton in their closet, which means there are bound to be a few bones rattling around in the back of a couple's shared wardrobe. We take a look at the most common ones to celebrate the release of The Woman in Black: Angel of Death.
Run for the hills when your partner finds out!
Having an affair- 'Honey I have something to tell you- I put my femur in someone else's ball joint.'
An embarrassing incident- You may or may not have wet yourself at an adult age- but as Jeff Goldblum said in Jurassic Park 'when you gotta go you gotta go'.
Internet history- Porn, porn and more porn. But you have to decide if deleting it is enough of a precaution or if it's bury your laptop at the bottom of a lake disgusting.
Debt- There was this one occasion that you are not particularly proud of, when you couldn't even afford tampons- bad times.
Sexual turn-ons- Maybe he would let you dip his penis in hummus if you asked him nicely. Protein overload before the gym- bring on the muscle repair!
Family history- Octuplets are common in your family- but everyone likes a full household right?
Phobia- 'You know when it's hot and my ankles get all swollen and you poke them for fun?'
'Yeah'
'Well it makes me want to projectile vomit all over you.'
'Oh.'
Purchases- What people will do with a student overdraft and a bottle of Malibu eh?!
You used to smoke- Thankfully you were able to find replacement things to pop in your mouth to curb the craving. Sadly with that came a bit of a bad rep.
Real-life crushes- If only Phil Spencer would come over to your house and play location, location, orgasm!
Addiction- There was a time when you couldn't get through the night without a tub of Ben and Jerrys and a Chinese Meal, but the threat of diabetes and imminent death was getting all too real.
You used to take drugs- Didn't everyone in Uni? Of course yours had to be baked in brownie form- people who don't are just amateurs.
Bank/credit card statements- Yes you used to spend most of your money in Ann Summers- a clitoris isn't going to vibrate itself now is it?!
Age- Ok, ok, so you finished university like 9 years ago and still try to get discount with your student union card. But you know what? Some cashiers who don't give a s**t will still cut that price DOWN baby!
A criminal past- You were caught having sex in your car in the past- but criminal record side- you kept getting you knee caught in the side pocket so it wasn't ideal anyway.
Illness or condition- You may still have it- it comes around once a month and makes every man in your life want to pack up their stuff and live in the woods for a week.
Previous marriages- They always say things come in threes! Why break the mould?!
Pretending to like something you loathe- Admit it- his massages feel like he is trying to reach for your vagina through your back.
Sexual orientation- Well you used to sleep with women until he came along- guess he converted you- once you go d*ck you never go back etc.- but lesbian porn is still pretty cool.
Tattoo- So you were in Malia after too much sun and booze and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Now you have a d**k pic on your thigh for the rest of your days- great.
Secret children- So, your motherly instinct isn't just an instinct….
Sexually transmitted disease- Remember that time you had genital warts? Funny story- your ex said your vagina looked like an angry witch!
Sexting/Snapchat- Yeah a picture of your boobs is floating around on the cloud right now. You can't even remember if you lifted your arms to make them look perkier or if the room was cold. Damn it.
Education/exam grades- You got into university because they needed butts in seats and you have never used your degree since.
tagged in The Woman in Black Couples