By Laura Lane and Angela Spera, authors of the book This Is Why You're Single
This is Why You're Single
Our caveman ancestors might have speared a wild boar to get a mate's attention. In some ways modern dating has evolved for the better and in other ways... not so much.
1. You Don't Know What's Real Anymore
Photoshop used to be a thing only editors at Vogue or graphics editors at news stations used, but now your 11-year-old cousin could turn a photo of Ricky Gervais into Taylor Swift thanks to apps like FaceTune, moreBeaute2 and AfterLight. So good luck knowing if the 6-pack on that cutie you swiped right for is the real deal.
2. He Isn't Following Proper Social Media Etiquette
Things are perfectly rosie when he is hearting your Instas, viewing your Snaps and favoriting your Tweets. Then one day he unceremoniously stops and you assume he has moved on to greener Selfie pastures. "If he was thinking about me, he would have watched my Snapchat story!" is something we have heard too many times. Remember: Who cares if he's not binging your social if he's with you in person binging on Netflix?
3. We All Have Dating ADD
There are endless faces to be swiped when you're online dating. And just like a millennial addicted to Pokémon Go, you think you have to catch them all.
4. Text Messages Are Confusing
Something as seemingly benign as a period versus an exclamation mark in a text can be the difference between life and... dumped. What does it mean when he uses all three letters to spell the word "you"? Part of you is convinced it means that by taking the time to spell full words, he's proving that he is a mature grownup and you are important to him! The other part knows that maybe he just knows how to spell.
5. Social Media Stalking is Unavoidable
You don't need to be Sherlock Holmes (or even Watson) to discover some random dude's home address, work history and favorite dessert. You just need Facebook! Just be careful to not go too far or you'll accidentally add his mom on LinkedIn before your first date. (Really awkward if she doesn't "endorse" you.)
6. Texting Has Made Talking Impossible
You've gotten so used to screenshotting text conversations with your date and asking your five best friends to help fine-tune a perfectly witty response. So when it comes time to go on an actual date, it's normal to wish you could phone a friend to help make your in-person responses equally as LOL.
7. The Time Between Texts Feels Like Decades
You know how fast 45 minutes goes by when you're getting ready for a night out (never enough time!), yet when you're on the treadmill, 5 minutes feels more like 5 hours? Waiting for a text back is kind of like that. The space time continuum warps. Time. Moves. So. Slow.
8. Benching is a Thing
With so many options of eligible dates in the palm of your hand (literally, thanks to Tinder, Howaboutwe, Happn or Bumble), it's no surprise a lot of people keep one main squeeze and a few in the rotation in case the starter doesn't work out. Some call it "leading people on" but hey, he could be on the bench one day and starting the next!
9. Small Talk Is Hard
When you've used up all your go-to talking points on the 638 texts you've sent before your first date, you'll be left literally speechless in person. Pro-tip: Everyone's a narcissist so just ask a lot of questions up their childhood.
10. We All Have Relationship FOMO
Are your feeds filled up with romantic couples lounging in Ibiza and smooching on the beaches of Santorini? It can make you feel like everyone else's dating life is more glamorous, more fun and more romantic than yours. (And we haven't even mentioned the engagement ring photos that will fill up your feed in December). Just remember, no one posts photos of divorce hearings so don't let someone's heavily curated feed get you down.
The humor and advice book This Is Why You're Single will be released August 11th in the UK. For more information about Laura Angela, follow them on Instagram and Twitter @youresingleshow. www.thisiswhyyouresingleshow.com
This Is Why You're Single by Laura Lane and Angela Spera, out 11th August, RRP £8.99, (Blink Publishing)