Ever wondered what you need in place to find your perfect partner? Well Professor Ewan Gillon is here to clear up any misconceptions you have and offer his exclusive advice so you can get one step closer to finding your soul mate!
Relationships on Female First
Evaluate what you are looking for: are you actually looking for love or is there another void you need to fill? Do you feel under pressure to get married and have children? Are you desperate for physical intimacy? Make sure you are looking for the right relationship for the right reasons.
Create opportunities to meet people: Do you feel like you never meet new people or are you shy talking to people you haven’t met before? Ask your friends to introduce you to some of their friends to widen your circle. If you find that most of your friends are part of a couple, ask them if they can bring someone suitable as a ‘blind date’ for you.
Be who you are: for someone to like you as you are, you need to be the ‘real’ you – after all, you can’t pretend to be someone else forever. So, if you like going to the theatre but hate sport, be prepared to say so on a date. It’s easier to be honest with someone from the outset as opposed to having to own up later! And remember, just because your new boyfriend or girlfriend loves sport and hates the theatre, the relationship isn’t doomed.
Repeat after me: looks and money aren’t everything: Nature compels us to be attracted to a handsome man, beautiful woman or their money, big house and swanky car. So here’s a trick: if you meet someone who ticks the physical and financial boxes, imagine them without them. If you’re no longer attracted to them, walk away.
Real-life love is not like it is in the movies: few people meet their Adonis under a moonlit sky with soft music playing in the background. That doesn’t mean love is a myth, rather that you can’t let your hopes be dashed because you haven’t met the man or woman of your dreams at the top of the Eiffel Tower or pulling over their Aston Martin to ask for directions.
Remember love often comes when you least expect it: ask your family and friends who are in healthy relationships how they met their partner - was it a thunderbolt or a slow-burn? Maybe they suddenly realised that a longstanding friend was actually the love of their life?
Be confident and take a risk: There’s no point in swooning at the sight of someone if you can’t bring yourself to talk to them. You never know, the very attractive guy at the end of the bar might have spotted you as well but be too shy to approach you himself.
Be patient: If you haven’t met anyone you fancy for a while or if you have been rejected by someone you do, don’t be downhearted or blame yourself. It sounds obvious, but love has to be reciprocated in order for it to work. Use the time to do things you enjoy and see your friends and family; you won’t have as much free time when you’re in a new relationship!
Give people a (second) chance: If you’re talking to someone new or things aren’t going too well on a first date, don’t give up too soon. A person’s best qualities may not be immediately clear. Also, think about how you would want to be judged by someone new and be kind.
Don’t feel guilty if your answer is no: There is no point in getting trapped into a relationship out of sympathy. It will only make you unhappy and could lead to greater misery for both of you in the long term.
Professor Ewan Gillon is the Clinical Director of First Psychology Scotland
www.firstpsychology.co.uk
tagged in Friends Valentine's Day Relationship