Alice asks :
I feel really insecure because I have loads of friends and they all get along with all the boys and everyone else and everyone likes their profile pics and none of them like mine. I try to get along with the boys because I'm older now and want them to forget about the past impressions they had of me but they wont. I try to have banter and stuff but none of them play along. I feel like everyone judges me and no-one likes me. I can't help but get jealous and I feel really bad because they are my friends but I can't help it. It makes me feel really bad about myself and I get really insecure. I feel like I can't talk to people because I feel like they wont understand how I feel.
Yin replies
The problem is that you are fixating on it all the time. Try not to worry about people pleasing because if you do you will probably never get there. People sense it when interaction is forced and it puts them off. Don’t worry too much about past impressions, people forget about stuff that has happened in the past, if you move on so will they. Just be yourself. If there are no boys that get along with you really well, then there will be later down the line, you just haven’t met the right ones yet.
If you are slightly older than your sense of humour and conversation will differ slightly, that is not a bad thing. Perhaps you need to branch out and find some other friends who are more on your wavelength. I am not saying ditch the ones you have but put the feelers out. Friends should not make you feel jealous and uncomfortable so maybe its time to dial it back a bit with your current crowd and seek some like-minded people.
Yang replies
If you are feeling insecure then perhaps you need to work on your self-esteem. There are counsellors in school who you can visit and talk to about the way you are feeling, so why not book in with one and discuss your thoughts? If it is in school time, when you come out you will be in the best place to try out any exercises they set you to boost yourself esteem.
It is important to remember that you are not alone in feeling like this. When you are young most people are very insecure about lots of things, even if they don’t show it. Everyone is trying to fit in the best they can. Try talking to your friends about it, you may be surprised at what insecurities they have and you never know you might find some common ground.
tagged in Friends relationships yin and yang agony aunt
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