Ruth asks :
hi, Im 17 years old. im really confused about my sexuality. i have had bad experiences with men but im in a relationship with one at the moment. But i feel very much attracted to women at the moment. I have had 4 dreams in a row about things with women.I have had an experience with a girl before aswell. But i am really confused as to whether i am a lesbian or bisexual or just wanting to explore . I am really confused. I know that at this age you want to explore but i dont know if that is what i want or more. Is there any advice anyone can give me please?
Yin replies
First things first, stop trying to label yourself as lesbian, bisexual or straight. It's not a big deal and it's not like you need to decide what you are and make a big announcement. A lot of people are attracted to others of the same sex without actually being gay. Attraction is a funny old thing and there is no way you can control who you are attracted to.
Maybe you are just wanting to explore your sexuality a bit- it's only natural at your age. But I'd be wary about defining yourself as gay before you are sure yourself. Just enjoy your new found sexual appetite- and your sexy dreams- for what they are and try not to read into it too much.
At the end of the day there is nothing wrong with fantasising about other people while your in a relationship. It only becomes a problem if you act on these fanatasies. If you do decide you want to try experimenting with women then you need to be honest with your boyfriend before rather than just cheating on him. That way no one gets hurt and you will enjoy things more if you don't feel guilty.
Yang replies
Chill out sweetie! Lets face it girl's bodies are a lot more attractive than men's so it's only natural that us women appreciate the female form- this doesn't always mean you are a lesbian.
Even if you decide you are a lesbian or bi or whatever it's no big deal so don't go rushing into labelling yourself. Like Yin says, just enjoy experimenting. You're only young and should be making the most of it. It sounds to me like you need to ditch the boyfriend and spend some time being single and discovering what you like. This will be great for your sexuality and help you learn more about yourself. I'm not saying you head down to your local gay district and jump into bed with the nearest girl- but just be yourself and do whatever feels right.
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