Does He Have Feelings For Me?

12 September 2007

jenny asks :

So I’ve been building a wall around me to prevent further heartbreaks. And then this guy comes along, he’s hot, always around to help me with small favours, constantly teases and flirts with me, brushes his hand “accidentally” against mine, and we’ve got great chemistry together. Not that we’ve dated, but having hung out with him a couple of times, we could spend the entire day together and simply talk nonstop for hours. Others have also told me he’s got a thing for me. The only problem is that he has a close female friend whom he got together with just 2 months ago, and now it’s a long distance relationship because we’re here in the States (for the past 2 months and next 10 months) and his girlfriend is at the other end of the world. He never ever mentions her unless I probe. And from what I gather, he says they’re close, though they talk mostly online rather than on the phone. I thought they aren’t as close as he says they are but he always says otherwise. Recently though, he started to grow a bit distant for reasons I’m unsure of. Well anyway, so I got really exasperated because I didn’t understand why he was stringing me along if he wasn’t serious, and I confronted him and asked him if he was up to something since I felt we were getting a little too close for comfort. And that jerk, he started laughing and talking in a sarcastic manner, saying he’s never touched me or felt close to me, that I’m too conservative, that there’s totally nothing between us, and he treats all his female friends this way, and he feels sorry for me because I’m so easily influenced by what people say. I was really hurt and angry he took it so lightly without even wanting to discuss this properly with me. And right now 3 days later, seems like everything’s back to normal and he’s behaving like the perfect guy I thought he was, as though nothing happened.. Do you think I’ve really read the signs wrongly somehow, or does this guy just have a problem with accepting that he has feelings for me somewhere in his heart?

Yin replies

Sometimes, people try to hide feelings that they have from us because they are afraid of the outcome, or they are in a relationship, or for many other reasons. It is possible that this man does have feelings for you and that he is haveing trouble accepting them, however I don't think that in this case he does. I could be wrong, but from what I know of the story he seems very into his girlfriend. Long distance relationships are hard to work, and him and his girlfriend seem to be trying to make it work. Don't be the one to get in the way of this. Just accept him as a friend and see whether things develop naturally in the future.

Yang replies

I'd say that you may have got the wrong end of the stick. If he says that he is close to his girlfriend and that he has feelings for her then why do find this so hard to accept? You may have feelings for this man which are making you believe and see things that aren't there. He seems completely innocent to me, and he was probably pretty miffed that you had suggested otherwise. However, the way that he is now acting like nothing has happened should show you how mature and how much of a good friend that he is. So stop being childish and grow up - he's got a girlfriend, he's said he's your friend. Don't listen to playground rumours that someone likes you, it's so teenage.