He will hate me if i tell people we went out

10 July 2012

Anonymous asks :

I'm currently at high school. I had been friends with this boy since last summer and really got to know him. He suggested we met up- so we did and we kissed. Then the next day he completely ignored me and starting saying stuff behind my back. I ignored him and he apoloigised and i forgave him then we got closer again and met again and he did the same. i would of thought i'd learnt my lesson but i did it again last week and i think i really like him he wants to keep a secret and said if i tell anyone he'd hate me. he acts so different round his friends one minute he'll touch flirt and hug me round them then all of a sudden he'll ignore me and e really horrible to me. im really confused please help me

Yin replies

It is a well known rule that boys treat those they are most attracted to worse than anyone else. It may be that he is nervous and is trying new things out with you away from the eyes of his friends as we all know how embarassing things can be when they are seen and heard by everyone if they don't go well. Do his friends have partners? He may be showing off to them if he is one of the first to be with someone. If he is not experienced he may not kow how to act or treat someone in that way, we are all learning all the time in relationships.

Yang replies

Despite everything, the fact that he does not have the decency to tell his friends about you or show his affection to you in front of others all of the time, shows a lack of respect for you, especially if he is also saying things behind your back. Good relationships are something we triumph, as we are proud to be with the other person. If he is blowing hot and cold with you, you will never know where you stand. Perhaps ask him, put him on the spot, to show that you will not be taken advantage of. If he is not really interested then you can move and and find someone else, however if he is he will be aware that you are not someone to be messed about. His apologies need to be sincere, try not to fall into the trap of accepting them if they are not genuine.