Jo asks :
Hi Lucy,
I recently went to a house party with my boyfriend on the estate he lives at, so did his neighbours. I had a few too many and when asked how we met I said at a wedding and then proceeded to say how I was attracted to his friend more, I'm devastated, yes I thought that then on first impressions but not now. I'm madly in love with him and over the past 9 months we've had such fun, and very upset and horrified at myself. I'm a horrible girlfriend. He can't understand why I explained it like this and neither can I as I've never done so before. What do I do?
Hi Jo,
Agony Aunts on Female First
We all say things we wish we hadn't when we were drunk- the most important thing is what we do about it afterwards to make amends.
It will be a huge blow to his self-esteem if he thought until now that he captured your attention above everyone else in the room at the wedding. It probably made things worse when what you said was about someone close to him.
If you try to appease him by telling him that you fell in love with his personality then he might think that you are not attracted to him physically now. Perhaps pay him a few well-placed compliments in conversation over the next few weeks. Try not to make it obvious why but little boosters that you find him sexy might not be such a bad thing for his ego right now.
Telling the truth is generally a good thing; however in relationships sometimes a little white lie goes a long way.
Perhaps in future try to think about how a comment you make could affect your partner's confidence.
Could it be that his friend was more forward and confident than your boyfriend? Perhaps you noticed him first because he put himself out there and your boyfriend was the shyer of the two? Sometimes this can help with perceived attraction. Despite social shifts, it can still be flattering for some women to be pursued by a man.
As long as you don't have feelings for his friend then perhaps this incident should be acknowledged as something that is regrettable but that won't happen again.
You can't take back what you said- all you can do is prove to your partner how much you love him and that you don't aspire to do anything with his friend in the future.
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