Lucy asks :
I have been in the same relationship for 21 years and we have 4 kids. We are not married and I am 40 years old. I am not sure if I want to spend the rest of my life with this person. He does not take care of his health and isn't fun anymore.
He says I am going through a midlife crisis but I don't feel a real soul mate connection. Not to mention he does not turn me on anymore but I am turned on just by looking at other men. Help should I get out now? All my friends keep telling me the grass isn't always greener.
Yin replies
It's a hard situation as your friends are right the grass isn't always greener but if things are really bad could you be any unhappier?
You have to have a think about what you are sacrificing, particularly your children and how a split might affect them, and also which situation would be happiest for you.
If you do decide to leave talk to your partner about why, explain everything and he may be able to make changes to the relationship to save it. He might not realise just how bad things are making you feel right now.
If you really think nothing can be done sometimes you just have to be selfish and do the best for you.
Yang replies
Before you make any rash decisions you must speak to your partner. He seems to be writing this experience off as a midlife crisis but you need to let him know how serious it is and give him the opportunity to make changes that could save the relationship.
If things don't change for the better sometimes it is better for all concerned to walk away. Would your kids be better with single, happy parents or a mum or dad who are together but miserable.
Unfortunately there is no answer I can give you because once you walk away it's almost impossible to come back so think long and hard before you make your mind up.
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