jodie asks :
I met this guy through a friend at a music festival. We got on so well and we ended up spending the whole weekend together, we slept together and although I really liked him, I figured it was a one-off. When we returned to the real world, I had been told he had a girlfriend, he added me on Facebook and I could see the relationship status, I was a bit annoyed at him but I wasn’t looking for anything anyway.
Then he kept chatting to me, friendly banter it seemed. Then 2 days after the festival, he and his girlfriend broke up after 2 years together. He contacted me constantly and we flirted and joked, I really thought a friendship was blossoming. That weekend we slept together again and we arranged to see each other out the following night.
His ex was there when I arrived and he couldn’t be seen talking to me as she was angry, I left alone and mailed him and said that I was only just out of a bad relationship and I didn’t want to get involved with him and his ex and to stay away from me. He sent me a message saying he really liked me and he was sorry. We didn’t see each other for a while as I tried to keep my distance but I was still crazy about him.
I found out him and his girlfriend got back together and I decided I’d just get over him. However because we have the same group of friends he is around all the time. And things have been really awkward. One night I allowed him come to a party at my house because all his friends were.
At the end of the night people were passing out everywhere and I went to bed with a female friend, my best male friend and the guy in question asked to sleep in my room, and as we were drunk we said we could all fit in my bed. The guy insisted on sleeping beside me and he held my hand as we slept and went to kiss me.
I pushed him away as it was a bad thing to do. I mailed him saying I felt used and not to do that again and he apologised. since all this he is making my life so awkward. When I walk into a room he stares at me, often smiling if I look at him, but never breaking eye contact.
He always shows up where I am and if I say hello he panics, he can’t speak when I’m around and he is often shaky and nervous looking. Everyone has noticed. The staring has become so blatant. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know what it means, if he hates me, or what? I am so confused. Please help.
It sounds like a really confusing situation for you - you started off by having a bit of fun, then you let your guard down with him and let him use you - but he confuses you constantly because he apologises and says he really likes you.
Perhaps he does really like you, but you’ve already worked it out for yourself that he has a complicated love life and divided loyalties, and if you want to maintain your self-respect and sanity, you’ll let him go. If a guy can’t even keep his calm around you when you smile at him, where are you ever going to get with each other?
He’s probably full of guilt and is pissed off with himself for missing out on such a good thing – namely, you.
But he chose to behave the way he did, and he clearly didn’t think much about your feelings. The staring at you is probably some attempt to still toy with your emotions – to let you know he still fancies you, but then he’s not prepared to carry on with anything because he then avoids getting into a conversation.
To be honest Jodie, he sounds like one to avoid – even though he may well fancy you. There’s a lot more to a fulfilling relationship than initial chemistry.
I’m pleased that you told this guy to get lost when he tried it on in your bed. But what were you thinking of, inviting him to the party in the first place. Can’t you see the big flashing lights on his head saying 'Player'?
He slept with you when he was going out with his girlfriend, he avoided you when he was out and she was there, and then they got back together. You’ve been clear that you don’t want to be involved in a mess, so are you trying to make life difficult for yourself by inviting him to parties?
Avoid him, forget him, just don’t go there. How do you know he’s staring at you? Because you’re making eye contact with him yourself – you need to stop him getting in to your line of vision. Don’t feed his player tendencies by letting him indulge in lingering eye contact that suggests you miss him. Just don’t even look at him.