Laia asks :
In my group of friends we are a few girls and a few boys. We've known each other for some years now and everything changed when we started college. Most of them are studying in other cities and I do understand that they are busy and things can't be the same anymore. But lately I feel that I'm the only one who cares about us been friends. I love giving presents in birthdays, preparing parties and surprising them, but it's not the same when it comes to me. Actually, just three of them remembered my birthday and congratulated me. Also, I have had a rough year because the two friends that stayed in my city didn't want to hang out with me (we did before when we were more people), they say that they are pretty busy. They say that we'll go out once the others are here too... That happened last year, and I think this one is going to be the same. Also, one of these two friends used to like me, he told me but I didn't answered (he texted me), so I think I kinda rejected him. I want to spend some time with him cause I'm into him now, but he's not paying attention to me, and I'm tired of been the one who has to go after him. But coming back to my friends, in one hand I feel stupid for all things I've made for them (things they didn't return) and I can't help feeling that we should stop pretending we are friends.On the other hand, we've been friends for many years and we have a really good time when we are together...
Yin replies
When big groups of friends split for college there is always a breakdown in communication as they each get to adjust to their new lives. There are lots of new temptations and things to occupy their time and if their friends aren’t there for them to see every day unfortunately they can slip their mind. Try not to take it personally; this will happen a lot in these situations.
When you do get together you will likely have just as good a time as you always did, because you will have a lot more to talk about and reminisce about old times.
Try dialling back the presents and cards and just message them on Facebook instead. It’s not what you are used to or prefer but it matches what they are doing for you, so you don’t have to spend a lot of money or time on choosing something for theirs. There is no reason to feel stupid, because it was a thoughtful gesture at the time and shows you care.
Yang replies
If you rejected the guy once then he is embarrassed or ashamed to talk to you now, because of what happened. If you have to chase him with nothing at all in return then he has likely moved on.
Try to make some new friends, to as replacements but ones who are around you all that time. College is the time to expand your friendship group; you are used to having a lot of friends already so increase this even more! It will stop you worrying about what you have lost and look forward to the new experiences you can have with a whole new bunch of people!
tagged in Friends Birthday yin and yang agony aunt
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