LoserInLove asks :
I'm 18 and have a friend who I've been hooking up with for the past 10 months, I would say we were friends with benefits but that's what everyone else is saying. I know he does things with other girls and that didn't bother me until he kissed a girl I knew at my party and now I feel all confused. I kinda have feelings for him but am not too sure. What I'm most confused about is the way he acts with me, sometimes he's so nice and sweet and we can talk for hours about random stuff and the next he's so cold and distant and won't even glance in my direction. Help why is he like this??
Yin replies
Yin / Tyler
Lucy says:
It is often the case that people with a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship, end up with one having feelings for the other. The trouble is we are predatory animals at heart an even if you say you don’t want anything more from this guy, deep down when you see him with someone else you don’t like it because he has been with you. It seems that this was only an issue when you saw him with someone else, how do you feel when you just know of him being with other women rather than seeing it? It sounds like you do have a connection outside the bedroom, which may also constitute a good friendship rather than potential couple material. Think of it from his point of view, however, if he is nice to you and talks to you for hours, he is getting a reward at the end, would he be this interested if there was not sex after the intimate bit? If he is not consistent in being open and honest with you like he is behind closed doors then it would indicate he just wants you for sex. Either stay disconnected or move on before you get hurt.
Yang replies
Yang / Lydia
Cameron says:
‘Friends with benefits’ sounds like a great plan, but it never works as sooner or later one of you will develop feelings for another. Why that instance bothered you so was because you were able to actually visualise it. Before it was just something you’d heard about, but seeing it made it real. His changeable mood however may be an indication that this guy’s perhaps not the best bet for any kind of relationship. In actual fact, it just sounds like he’s taking advantage of you to be honest. Being cold and distant to make you want his approval and attention is a classic trick used by certain areas of the male population and if you keep going back to him, then he knows its working. The sweet guy is an act, that’s all. Bail from this while you still can.
tagged in Friends With Benefits
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.