Nishu desperately wants to be interested in sex

22 August 2011

nishu asks :

im a girl of 24 years,the problem with me is that i don't feel like having sex with someone. im a virgin and never experienced sex on bed though i have wathced some of the porn movies but never feel the urge to hav sex. im sharing a long distance relationship with a guy over 2 years we never met yet. kindly help me in this issue otherwise it will make a big problem for my marrital life in future. why i never feel like to have sex why i have no interest in this issue???????? plz reply

Yin replies

Your situation isn’t really typical of many. A long-distance relationship for two years, without meeting the guy? Well, firstly, it’s probably quite natural that you don’t feel all that interested in having sex with him because although a woman’s mind is said to be the most important part of feeling turned on, you haven’t even been close to this guy.
You haven’t been close enough or intimate with him in any way that would expose your senses to him – the feel of him touching you, the smell of his skin – do you even know what he sounds like or is your contact only through emails/web?
I’m guessing you have seen him either on videos or in photos, though. It’s not unusual for a virgin to not feel that much interest in sex – it’s one of those things that the more you have it, the more you can want it. Not always but often.
At the moment it’s something out there, unfamiliar, something that you’ve only seen in porn films – which can, in all honesty, be a huge turn-off to many women, and many men. I would suggest that whether it is with your boyfriend or the next boyfriend you have, you need to be close to him and experience him in many ways, and that way you will probably find that you have more interest in sex.
I don’t know if you are planning to marry this guy, if it’s already arranged, or not, but sex will obviously be a central part of your married life, yes. Perhaps you plan not to have sex before marriage, in which case, when you do marry, you will need to spend time getting to know each other’s bodies.
Exploring what you like and don’t like. There are reasons for a low libido or sex drive in women, but I don’t think that’s what you’re talking about here, as you probably aren’t on the pill, you don’t mention being depressed or stressed, or drug and alcohol abuse.
You simply haven’t been up close and personal with anyone yet. Believe me, smell and touch are huge parts of getting you aroused and interested in sex and porn movies are no hint here -

Yang replies

Congratulations on maintaining a relationship for two years with someone you haven’t met, but is it good for you? Or are you exchanging letters in preparation before you meet him at an arranged time?
Come on lady, can you really expect to get aroused if you haven’t EVER been intimate with a guy? Long-distance relationships might work for people who’ve already had some intimacy but you’re on to a losing battle here.
Either get together with him and indulge in some foreplay, explore some sex toys by yourself, or try to meet someone who you can have a realtime relationship with. It’s your only hope. I agree, you do want to get this sorted before you get married to anyone.