Not Sure Whether She Should Dare To Bare!

19 December 2010

not sure asks :

I'm 15 and my friends are starting to get boyfriends and do 'stuff' with them. I have only ever got off with boys but I feel that I am ready or will soon be ready to do more.
When I am ready, I am worried that I won’t no what to do and a big worry is whether or not I am supposed to shave my pubic hair? I know that some of my friends definitely do but my older sister doesn’t? Help!

Yin replies

Firstly, don’t worry at all about not knowing what to do, when the moment comes for you.
Bear in mind that sex is one of the most natural things there is and if you’re attracted enough to get that close to someone, you will automatically feel your way through the experience, even if it’s not full on sexual intercourse but you’re just getting in to heavy petting and foreplay.
You can of course get a few ideas by reading magazines aimed at your age, or watching films that are 15 rated, with sex or sensual scenes in that are thought to be appropriate for your age group.
But remember real sex isn’t like it is in the films, and the most important thing to be sure about is that you know the boy really well, well enough to laugh about any hiccups, well enough to be able to communicate what you’re happy to do and not do, and well enough to be able to see him the next day and not feel embarrassed.
When you say ‘stuff’, you probably mean foreplay rather than sex, and that might include oral sex, where he uses his tongue to stimulate your clitoris, or it might be that your friends have been performing felatio, otherwise known as giving a blow job.
The first time you find yourself in this situation, just remember to treat it as a mini show of seduction, of teasing, of looking like you are getting as much pleasure from it as he is.
Be sure though, to use contraception even if you’re not having intercourse, as a way to protect yourself from STIs. You can get infections from oral sex as well as intercourse - don’t forget that.
As for shaving your pubic hair? There really is no hard and fast rule, the trends change with time, like fashion, and between different cultures and countries. The only rule should be to do what YOU feel comfortable and confident about.
There’s no harm in experimenting with an intimate shaver - just tidying your edges up might be a start. You don’t have to get in to Brazilians and Landing Strips unless you really want to!
The most important thing is to be clean, fresh and neat - the rest you can decide on and experiment with together, as a kind of foreplay itself! My worry is that you’re approaching it all by comparing yourself to your friends. What’s right for you is what is right.

Yang replies

The truth is, a lot of boys probably like it neat and tidy down there if they’re going to be exploring, head down just think of it as part of your everyday grooming. Some women are happy to have bushy eyebrows, others aren’t.
It’s all down to personal choice really and I’m sure that there are just as many women who never trim as there are paying out for a regular Brazilian.
My advice, clue up. If you are worried about not knowing what to do, then do your research, look at Channel 4’s sexperience website, watch films, read books experiment with what you think you’d like to do with a future boyfriend, so that when you get in to the situation, you have some ideas you’d like to play with.
Apparently the average age for teens to lose their virginity in the UK is now 14, so I’m not going to pretend you aren’t thinking along those lines - just remember that the age of 16 for sexual intercourse is there for the reason of emotional readiness. Make sure you’re emotionally mature enough as well as trimmed and clued up.