Paula’s Partner Gave Her A Big Surprise

3 January 2012

paula asks :

my partner of a year has told me he likes to crossdress. What should I do. I've asked for time to think.

Yin replies

You’ve done the right thing. A shock like this needs time for consideration. Many couples find a way to stay together even though they’re faced with a huge change in their relationship.
Have you asked your partner if he is content to cross-dress at home, when he’s by himself, or if he wants to be able to cross-dress with you at home? Try to find out what scale you’re looking at here - for example, how would you feel about him dressing up in your clothes?
How would you feel about a friend or relation seeing him cross-dressing? Obviously you’ve only been together for a year and so you aren’t in it so deep that you can’t get out if it doesn’t feel right for you.
The only way you can really handle this is to talk it through. You might never be able to understand it, so only try to understand how he feels, not why he likes it.
I don’t think a year is too long to have left it to tell you either - he obviously didn’t want to scare you off before you knew him well enough to share his secret with you.
Don’t mistake cross-dressing with being homosexual - it’s not necessarily the same thing. Sometimes, yes, it can be. But not always.

Yang replies

Think about how you’ll feel when you go for your strapless bra one day and find it missing. Not only that but it’s been put through a machine wash and the wire has gone - I mean, will he know about care instructions for delicates?
On the plus side, he might have bras you can borrow! There could be upsides to this! You could share dresses?!
But you might not want any of that and it might mean you need to think about how it affects your libido and how you feel about him as a man. If you’re not comfortable with it, walk away.
A year isn’t a long time - a year is the sort of time you could discover any number of reasons why you’re incompatible.