Pressured into Oral Sex

24 November 2007

Simon asks :

My girlfriend keeps pushing me to have a more adventurous sex life, but I’m scared.
I am 16, my girlfriend is 18, we met at school. She's a sixth former. I really fancied her but I never thought she’d look at someone my age.
When we went back to school after summer she made it clear she was interested and we’ve been an item for the past seven weeks.
Up to now, we kiss and do some petting. We’ve even masturbated each other, but she wants to go further. She keeps talking about having oral sex. In fact for the past week she’s been pressuring me all the time. I’ve told her I’m not keen, but she won’t stop going on.
I’m worried with what we’ve been doing if I’m honest - my parents would kill me if they ever found out.
I really like her, she’s a great girl, and I don’t want to lose her, I just wish we could take it more slowly. How do I tell her I’m scared of doing what she wants? She’ll just think I’m a wimp.

Yin replies

Simon, you should never feel pressured into doing something that you really aren't happy with doing. It is clear to me that you are very unsure about performing oral sex, and it is a step that you should only take if you are ready.

Try talking to her about it again, and explain that you don't think that you are ready. Her being older means that she will probably have had more sexual experience you, but don't let this threaten you.

If she does not understand and appreciate that you aren't ready to take your sexual relationship to the next level, then get rid of her.

As much as you may like her, no-one is worthy of making you feel uncomfortable.

Yang replies

Being a whimp doesn't come into it. As far as I am concerend, sexual relationships should want to be explored and developed by both partners, not just one person and the other feeling obliged to 'co-operate'.

You have to remember though, that everyone has to start somewhere. Everyone is nervous they're first time around, so try not to be so wary of it. When in a relationship, you sometimes have to put your own needs and worrys aside for the sake of your partner. Remember this.

However, make sure that you are comfortable with doing so and don't rush into something that you might regret. If she won't wait and continues to pressure you, then you're better off without her, as much as you might like her.