Ruby’s guy let loose on her with verbal abuse

1 September 2011

Ruby asks :

Dear Agony Aunt, I'm 14 years old. There is a boy called George who has liked me for about a year, however I have never really liked him in that way so not a lot has happened between us. Apart from one night a few months ago but afterwards I told him I'd made a mistake and it wouldn't work. We argue quite a lot because he has serious mood swings towards me and I get annoyed easily. He knows that I would never like him like that. A week ago he went to Spain, yesterday he started posting all over facebook that he had got with a girl called Jess. I was with my friends and we were intruiged so my friend Daisy started emailing her for the details of what had happened between her and George. I started talking to George on Blackberry Messenger, and suddenly he flipped out at me and started calling me a b*itch and a nosy twat for talking to Jess, I told him that it wasn't me, It was Daisy. But he carried on swearing at me and I repeatedly told him it hadn't been me but he carried on. He called me harsh names and completely demoralised me, he told me everyone talked about me behind my back and I wasn't worth it, that I mucked up his life and I was annoyed with him because he was over me and with Jess. I told him this wasn't true and I asked him why he was so annoyed with me but he didn't say, he just carried on saying really, really horrible stuff. One thing he said was 'Get out of my life and leave me alone, you don't get it I don't like you, your really annoying and so f*cking pathetic, haha :)' It upset me so much, I've been on and off crying ever since. I tried to patch it up with him but he won't reply to me. As it is the summer holidays, I probably won't see him until September. But I have no idea what to do, should I go up to him and shout at him for being so harsh, completely ignore him or try and patch it up again and tell him I forgive him?! I haven't got a clue what to do, because whenever I think about what he said to me I am so filled with anger and hatred I feel like I could hit him but He is a good guy most of the time, and a part of me wants to be friends and forget about it (a small part) Please help me! Thank you.

Yin replies

Obviously you’re worried about the reaction you’re going to get next time you see him and you want to come out on top or at least feeling better about yourself. That’s understandable. No one wants to be called pathetic or any of the things he called you.
He’s obviously got himself in a mess, and maybe he’s even lost this Jess because she found out he’d been posting stuff about her on Facebook. It might not even be to do with your friend messaging her – but it’s all an easy outlet for his disappointment and embarrassment.
He’s made it public and now it’s all fallen apart. So he’s lashing out and looking for a reason. Just accept that he’s being predictably childish and can’t accept it’s actually his own fault. Don’t waste any more time on him though. If you must talk to him, go down the route of just telling him to grow up and that you can do without his unhelpful abuse. Tell him you’re disappointed it ended like that and that he didn’t believe you weren’t involved. But leave it there. For your own sanity and self-respect.

Yang replies

It seems to me that if he got so upset by your friend’s meddling in his business, talking to this new girl he’d got with, that it’s fairly certain he won’t be bothered about getting back with you.
Whatever your friend did or said, as far as George will be concerned, it will have been you behind it, you asking Daisy to do this for you. He’ll get over it. But most importantly, you should get over him.
Don’t even waste time deciding between making up, forviging him or shouting at him. This boy doesn’t deserve your energy or thoughts. So a lot has happened between you both in the past – that’s where it should stay. The past. You can do better and do without him and his demoralising words.