Sarah asks :
I like this guy. He flirts mercilessly with me and is really nice to my face.
We have lots in common. However, when I turn my back he says things to his friends that totally contradict his behaviour towards me, like that I'm ugly?!?!
Help, what does this mean? p>
Yin replies
Do you remember Danny and Sandy in Grease?
The classic case of the guy who really falls for a girl who is nothing like his usual type.
Maybe he genuinely has fallen for your personality but he’s confused because you don’t match up to his usual ‘look’ in a girlfriend. His silly comments behind your back could be his way of defending his pride in some way, by not wanting to admit to his friends, or to himself, that he likes you.
It’s a classic teenage problem – guys acting like they don’t like a girl who they do actually really like.
Maybe he even wants to put his friends off you so that he removes any competition until he has the guts to act on his feelings.
It’s very difficult to know, but it’s not uncommon behaviour.
You just need to be careful because if it went on for too long like this, you’re going to feel undermined and that you’re not worthy of him – which you clearly are.
If anything, you need to ask is he worthy of your attentions at all?
Do you have so much in common that you’d say you’re both the type to be two-faced?
If not, maybe you’re looking at him through rose-tinted glasses and need to see him for who he really is. Just keep your mind open and see what moves he makes if you don’t pay him quite so much attention when he does flirt.
If anything, feeding a flirt makes them worse, and what you want to know is would he still flirt with you if you didn’t feed him with reactions.
Yang replies
That’s what guys do. A certain type of guy anyway.
Flirting can mean absolutely nothing to some guys – or girls.
He might just get satisfaction from seeing the effect it has on you, or he might secretly be flattered by the response he gets but for some reason, he doesn’t think you fit in with his friends and their expectations of the kind of girl he’d like.
If he’s bad mouthing you behind your back, I suggest you don’t give him a second look next time he flirts with you.
I don’t know the situations you’ve been in when he flirts, or how you know he’s saying unkind things about you but I do know that you can probably do without that kind of childish behaviour in your life!
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