Bethanne asks :
Hi Lucy,
I am a 17 year old girl and was in a relationship with my boyfriend for just over 2 years. We split over a month ago due to constant arguments and hurt so he came to a conclusion he was sick and ended it. We split up at the beginning of November for just under 3 weeks and during the split I grovelled for a couple of weeks while he said a lot of nasty things to me, called me awful names, had girls with him in his car on a number of occasions and slagged me and my family off and lied to me lots of times. I got to the point where I gave up and stopped grovelling and went out with friends. Once I began ignoring him he started to grovel to me out of nowhere, he said how much he loved and missed me how much he regretted ending it etc. begged me to go and talk to him the next day so I did, and I explained that I didn’t think it would work because he had hurt me so bad and I couldn’t go through it again, especially not after everything he had said to me when we were apart. But he was crying and adamant he was going to chance it and treat me how I should be, so ended up getting back together. But it’s just not the same, he used to be the one who had me round his finger and I was nice, but now I’ve turned into this horrible person who constantly picks at tiny things and I’m constantly being a bitch while he has been nice. Am I just hurt by everything he has done or what? I am very confused right now and I don’t know what to do. Any help or advice will be appreciated greatly. Thank you
Our Reply
Hi Bethanne,
Break ups can cause a lot of unpredictable behaviours so a lot of it may be down to the fact that he was hurt and retaliated in the only way he knew how, by doing and saying the things he did.
You are both hurt, so it sounds like he is being extra nice to you to keep the two of you together now when he realised that by being nasty to you was not getting him anywhere. Perhaps you are taking things out on him now because you didn’t express how much you were hurt before.
If you feel the relationship is not the same then maybe you are trying to be worse in order to get him to leave you so you don’t have to initiate the break up. People don’t like being the person who puts a stop to a relationship but sometimes it needs to be done.
If you are not enjoying the relationship right now and you don’t like yourself perhaps you need to talk to him and get everything out in the open. The longer you hide your anger the worse it will get, so perhaps get it out of your system or you may continue to behave the same way you are now.
Lucy x
tagged in Friends Family Relationship boyfriend yin and yang agony aunt
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.