Emily asks :
Dear Yin and Yang, On a night out a few weeks ago, my friends and I bumped into a group of people off our course, and I ended up kissing and swapping numbers with one of them (let's call him Sam). Now, I was pretty good friends with Sam. We'd got to know each other reasonably well last year in uni - we were far from best friends, but there was definitely potential there for a good friendship. After that night though, I realised that maybe I wanted more than that from him, and probably had for some time, just between stressing about exams, results and everything else, I just hadn't had time to think about it. From what my friends have told me since, I get the impression he might have been on the same page as me. But then I found out that Sam lives with a guy called Joe, who I had a one night stand with a few months ago. I didn't really see this as an issue - it's been months since the incident with Joe, and he seems pretty indifferent towards me anyway. But one of their housemates has told my friends that "me and Sam" would be awkward because of Joe. So now I'm in a bit of a mess - I don't understand why the situation is so awkward, but I'm guessing there's been some discussion about me in their house, which doesn't really make me feel any better about the whole thing. Also, I really like Sam and potentially want to try and take things further, but since we kissed, he won't speak to me, and barely acknowledges me. I just want to make sense of the whole situation - mainly why he won't speak to me. Although I like him, I could accept it if he said he didn’t want to go down that road, but I'm finding it hard to accept being ignored, especially as I thought we were friends. I know it sounds really childish, but I just can't stop turning it over and over in my head - any advice would really be appreciated.
Yin replies
Hi Emily, thanks for writing in.
Perhaps the reason you want more from Sam now is because you kissed, you didn’t say that you had feelings for him before, only the basis of a good friendship. It could be that you wouldn't have seen him this way if you hadn’t kissed.
There may well have been a conversation about this in their house, which has put him off the idea of being with you, hence why he is not talking to you. At the time when you were with Joe, you and Sam were not on the cards, so it is not something you could have prepared yourself for.
Yang replies
Try talking to Sam and tell him your side of things and find out if he really wants to be with you. People will always pass comment on you relationship, especially if there is a little drama involved, so try not to worry about what other people think. Yes you slept with Joe but you didn’t have a relationship with him, this would be harder to negotiate if you had if you wanted to move things on with Sam.
Try not to rely on hearsay from you friends as things can get distorted along the way, talk directly to the source and if there is something there, work on building upon your existing friendship, however if there isn't try to get back to where you were.
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