Grainne asks :
I'm 21 and have been with my boyfriend (23) for 14 months now, but the last few months I feel like things have fizzled out, we don't have much sex and he is really starting to bug me, I've started going out more with my friends and seeing him less. The thing is I don't think he realises things have changed and I can't bring myself to break up with him because i know he will be devastated and I feel so bad because he is so good to me! How do I let him down gently?
Our Reply
Hi Grainne, thanks for getting in touch.
Carrying on when you don’t want to be with someone is worse than biting the bullet and dumping them, because the longer you are together the more attached they get and the more devastated he will feel when it does eventually end.
If you are certain you want to break up with him then try open with him about how you have grown apart and that you have started to enjoy being with your friends a lot more. Talk about the things that you are getting from your new arraignment rather than the things you are lacking in the bedroom department and from him. In break ups it is always kind to leave the other person with some shred of hope and positivity. If he thinks it is entirely his fault then he will be left deflated. Focus on the fact that your priorities have changed and that you are going in different directions.
It is always hard to be the person who initiates a break up, but if you don’t, the worse you will feel once he has fallen that little bit further into the relationship.
Good luck,
Lucy
tagged in Friends break up boyfriend yin and yang agony aunt
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.