Shauna asks :
Hello Lucy,
So I live in Sheffield and my ex in Essex which is a two hour’s drive or train journey. We were going out for around 8 months and he left me for 5 weeks because distance and everything was getting too much for him. He then got in contact 5 weeks later and begged for me to take him back saying he didn't mind the distance anymore. Two years later, everything has been perfect, holidays other events, families. I love him and he loves me, we spent a perfect Christmas and New Year’s together. Then out of the blue he left me again 5 weeks ago, saying he thought I was ready for the next step in our relationship but he wasn't and that he didn't think it fair he drag me along. And that he still loves me and what not. Then 5 days after he left me, he got in contact and has spoken every day since, phoned me, signed into my Facebook as though he was checking up on me. He told me he missed me and that he wants to come back, the only problem he'd have would be my parent’s opinions of him for upsetting me again. And that he wanted to talk about "us" when I suggested we stop speaking he told me he doesn't want to stop.... But two days ago out of the blue he turned round and said "no we should stop speaking," and hasn't spoken since. What do I do??
Our Reply
Hi Shauna,
It sounds like he is really confused about his feelings for you- which is- in turn- leaving you feeling like you don’t know where you stand.
He has instigated two different points in the relationship now where you have broken up. It is natural to miss someone when you first break up as you are getting used to being on your own again, so he might feel like things are a bit at sea right now- hence why he got back in touch.
If you did get back together, you might always be waiting for the next time he decides to break things off again, which leaves you in a very vulnerable position. If he is this hesitant over whether he wants to be with you then I would suggest that you look for another guy to date who can provide you with some stability.
The constant back and forth of breaking up and getting back together is not strengthening your relationship, it is likely making it more vulnerable each time.
He seems to be coming up with different excuses every time you break up- the distance or that you want a future he is not ready for, which begs the question- are these the real reasons? They might be excuses if he can’t tell you the truth. Either way, it sounds like it probably time that you moved on- or you could find yourself stuck in a constant cycle of break ups.
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