Chantelle asks :
Hello Lucy,
Okay well I setup an account on a dating website a few years ago, and I went on a few dates with guys but they didn't work out. Anyway I then started talking to a new guy on there, who seemed really lovely, is good looking and doesn't live too far from me either. From the start we had both said we didn't want to meet straight away because of past relationships going wrong. We talk everyday all day, we've been talking now for 2 and a half years but still haven't met, I really want to meet him, I have done for ages. But there's always something that happens in his life that's makes him end up cancelling it and he puts things off. My friends and family say I should stop talking to him but I can't, it's too hard, you might think its crazy but I really do love him, I know we haven't met but I've still fallen in love with him. Anyway because it's going on so long I don't know what to think or do anymore, I need advice? My friends and family just judge the whole time. Sorry it's so long.
Our Reply
Hi Chantelle,
If people are reluctant to meet up when they have such connection with someone online it begs the question if they are who they say they are. The internet is a great way of hiding something about yourself and pretending to be someone else.
If he doesn’t want to meet it may be that there are some inconsistences about what he has told you while you have been talking. It is a positive that you have a connection- enough to last you two and a half years- however- could this be built on lies or fabrications of the truth?
Your friends and family are likely just trying to protect you as the situation does sound a little suspicious and the media is constantly revealing the things that can go wrong with internet dating.
It might be that you have fallen in love with the person you think you know, but in reality- it's someone quite different. Meeting up with him could put you in great danger if he is not the same as the person he has portrayed himself to be.
There has to be a reason for him not wanting to meet- which is often down to insecurities over looks. Try to reassure him that you won’t judge him if there is something about himself that he has been hiding- such as it he doesn’t look the way he does in his pictures. However, if he has lied about this- then there are no reassurances that he hasn’t lied about other things too.
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