CONFUSED asks :
Hi Lucy! I have a dilemma. My boyfriend and I broke up recently and it was a pretty bad break up. He said some really horrible things but now regrets them completely. My friends don't like him at all and hate seeing me get hurt because in the last few months of our relationship I seemed to cry all the time and they hated it. My parents don't like the way he's treat my either but know he is a lovely person deep down which he is! Since we've broke up he's changed to how he was at the beginning of our relationship which was why i fell in love with him. He is a lovely person and makes me happy but has moments where he gets angry over the littlest things and gets me upset! I still love him to pieces and he wants me back more than anything. If we didn't have these problems I would get back with him tomorrow but I just can't. I want to but there's too much to think about: friends, parents, how it affects me. I want him to talk to my parents about it and also my friends but he doesn't get on with a few of my friends (mainly boys). I wish I didn't tell friends and parents about our problems either because now they have a reason to not like him. We've kissed recently as well which is probably the worst thing to do and we do still talk, but now I'm just confused to what I want!! HELP
Our Reply
Hello Confused,
Your friends and family know you best and are looking out for you- any bad treatment and they will be very protective of you- so try and be mindful of this and appreciate that you have people in your life that care about you so much.
If you cried a lot for months into your relationship the last time what makes you think that this time is different? You have said he has changed but still has moments where he gets angry and makes you upset- even with the change can you still cope with these bouts of anger from him?
It is important that your friends and family and partner get on- however this is not always the case, many couples still function with a divide between the two. That said you have already admitted that you don’t want to get back with him because of how it affects you.
You could ask him to have a sit down with your parents and friends to talk about how he has changed and how he is going to show you and them that he will approach the relationship differently. The first sign that he has slipped onto his old ways however, might mean that those around you lose patience with him again- he would need to really prove himself before they forgive him. It is better coming from him than you because as is partner you will naturally stick up of him despite his behaviours.
The kiss has probably complicated things yes-but the main things is that if you were to forget about your friends and family for a second- are you happy with this guy? Does his anger frighten you too much? Do you believe yourself that he has changed? Sometimes we use other people as an excuse not to be with someone when we have worries about them ourselves- is this you? Are you concerned about what others think because deep down you have doubts about him yourself?
Lucy x
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