Rachael asks :
Hi Lucy,
My boyfriend and I have been together around 6 months. Everything so far has been pretty much perfect and I'm the happiest I've ever been, but I just don't know how to make our sex life a little more interesting... The sex is good, but I feel like it’s always me that initiates it, and it’s the same thing every time. Part of me feels maybe he's a little shy in bed, and he has said that he feels inhabited before, but I don't know how to change this? We were just friends for almost a year before we got together and because of this we've spoken about sex before, so I know that he was quite adventurous with his ex-girlfriend. I don't understand why he isn't with me. I'm worried that maybe he just doesn't fancy me that much, I know that he loves me, but worry that its more as a friend and don't know how to get him to see me sexually. I've tried opening up conversations about sex asking him what he likes etc., but he doesn't say much. I've tried sending naughty messages as I thought maybe he'd feel more comfortable talking about it that way, but he laughs it off and says it isn't a good time. What should I do?
Hi Rachael,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It can be hard to make the transition between friends and lovers, and it’s only been 6 months so perhaps you found it easier than him to break away from seeing each other as than more as a mate.
Take what he has told you with a pinch of salt regarding his ex. People tend to amplify their previous sex life, especially amongst friends, as sexual experience can turn into a bit of a competition. If he shrugs off your conversations about what he likes and your dirty messages then this could be an indicator that he is actually quite shy when it comes to sex and that perhaps he has embellished his previous sexual encounters.
Even if it were true, it perhaps shows that what you both have runs deeper than just the physical and that side of things might blossom more with time as you settle into your new relationship with one another.
It sounds like you have made subtle efforts to make changes- however have you talked about how it makes you feel? Perhaps if he realised how it was affecting you he would make more of an effort.
There are other things you could try to make him see you in a more sexual sense- such as dressing up, role play and sex toys. Perhaps once you have spoken to him and got to the bottom why he might be holding back then you could try some of these to spice things up.
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