Rachel asks :
I’m dating my childhood sweetheart and best friend. I’m 26 years old and my boyfriend of 6 years wants to break up with me saying i do not prioritize him due to my work and education (I run a family business and study during weekends to improve business skills). He says I do not have time for him anymore. I begged him to stay and i promised to amend my ways and give my time and effort to make things right. Now he is holding it against me and being harsh to me for the smallest things. I’m very unhappy every day I’m trying to multi-task working 5 days a week, going for my lectures and also working at a charity as a member of the executive board plus making time for him every weekend. I wanted to give up my position at the charity and act as a member so i can save some time during weekends but he doesn't want me to quit since he introduced me to the cause and he wants me to take up the president ship next year. We had a huge row regarding this as well since he was so mad i want to quit. We've been dating for so long and i would love to settle down as well, but he says he doesn't see a future with me since i have no time or patience with him and i can’t blame him also. All in all I’m trying to make it work right now and I’m really depressed. Every morning and every day I do not have many people I can talk to and my parents do not understand- they are very conservative they want me to put my work first and get married as soon as possible ...so i can’t talk to them also. Please help :(
Hi Rachel,
Agony Aunts on Female First
There seem to be a few contradictions here. He has said that you don't make time for him but when you offered to take a step back he has asked you to carry on as you are. Perhaps the timing is just not right for the both of you and you need to get your education out of the way before considering a relationship as it might be too complicated for you to do both right now. Have you asked him if he is prepared to wait for you?
Relationships should be about give and take and your partner should support your pursuits, but that said relationships need some nourishment too. Maybe you have taken on too much and the time you spend with him is not quality time- because you are too tired. If it is a family business you run- are they able to help you cut down your hours to support your education and your relationship?
If he can't see a future with you, then perhaps he has made up his mind but he still cares about you which is why he is encouraging you to continue with your other pursuits.
Being with your childhood sweetheart can be one of the most difficult relationships of all because you are with someone during their most turbulent of times, when most of your life changes are taking place. If he can't support you now then perhaps he would not be strong enough for other things that will come along in the future.
I would suggest you sit down and take him and your parents out of the equation and ask yourself what you really want- not what they want for you- what you want for yourself. It seems that you have other people telling you what to do all the time and that might be what is making you feel this way- because you a trying to make someone else happy not yourself.
tagged in dating best friend
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.