Susie asks :
Hi Lucy,
I am in the last month of my masters degree, and I need to be focused on my work, but I'm intensely distracted by my husband's reluctance to find a job. He stopped working two months ago, and is now only applying for his "ideal" job, even though it's in a different field and he lacks the kind of experience they would look for. I find it very difficult to write in public places such as the library, but staying at home means constant friction because I feel he is approaching the job hunt in the wrong way. I started the course thinking I'll have the (small) flat to myself when he is working, but now he is there the whole time and it is very distracting for me. I fear that he is not keeping our future in mind. I have had a lot of trouble with depression and anxiety, and I am trying to take action on the things that make me unhappy. Currently, though, I am on a downward spiral as I seem to be unable to influence the world around me. My husband just gets angry and rejects my advice out of hand, and even though he's always saying he will go out so I can work, he never actually does it.
Hi Susie,
Agony Aunts on Female First
This sounds like a very frustrating place to be right now. It seems that you are going above and beyond to secure a good future of you both, where he perhaps lacks the focus you do.
Could you find a safe haven at a friend or family member’s house to get away from your husband for a while if he is becoming a distraction? It seems a shame that this could affect the last leg of your qualification so maybe there is somewhere else other than the library that you could go to when you need it. Or could you agree on a rota system where he goes out at certain times or days to leave you in peace?
If you feel you are on a downward spiral could you enrol in some counselling? You will probably be able to get some at your university. If you feel your husband is not being a good enough support, might this help you to vent your frustrations? Or could you talk to a friend or family member about it just to get it off your chest. Having that rattle around in your head along with everything else you need to know for your course might be leaving no more room for learning.
Once you have found a quiet place then perhaps focus all your energy into your masters before tackling the issue with your partner, or you might regret having to resit if you have put it on hold to sort out your romantic life. Perhaps the frustration is coming from seeing him in action or an awareness that he is around- if you are not pondering over what he is doing with this day then maybe that would help you to focus.
Once you have done your last bit for your masters then this might allow you some time to talk to your partner and try and talk to him about being more open mined when it comes to job hunting.
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