L asks :
Hi Lucy,
Recently my girlfriend broke up with me after 7 months because in previous relationships I have been very mistreated, a long line of let downs and cheaters. Because of this my psychosis is such that I get jealous of her seeing friends and become angry when she does not reply to texts for a long time. We fell out once before about it and I got a second chance but unfortunately she grew impatient as I did not get better as quickly as she would have liked. She says she wants to be friends at some point as she still cares a lot about me but I still want her back. Once I have worked on myself do you think she would try again? How long should I wait? 3 months? Thank you, L
Hi L,
Agony Aunts on Female First
There is no set time it will take to work on yourself- it might take three months it might take a year- it all depends how you want to tackle the problem.
Sometimes part of the process is being with someone and working though it together, so perhaps she is not the one for you if she was unable to stay and help you get to the other side.
It sounds like you lack trust in your relationships which is understandable, given your history, so it might be that perhaps you didn’t trust her when you were together or those around her. The reality is that whoever you go out with, chances are they are going to have friends that they want to see and life can get in the way of regular texting. Almost everyone is guilty of both of these things. It is unlikely that you will find someone who only wants to spend all their time with you or texts you back in seconds of you sending out every message.
Perhaps if you get back together or you find someone else- try to keep this in mind and that wanting to spend time with other people or being late with texts is often not a reflection of your relationship but just part of life- it's not personal. If you ask a woman to do or give up these things then that could scare her away because it might be asking her to do something that she is unwilling to commit to.
You were with a cheater before, but that does not mean that every girlfriend your have from now on is going to be one too.
tagged in Friends relationships yin and yang agony aunt
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