Alexandra asks :

Hi Lucy, 

My husband doesn't want sex and we've only been married a year. He just tells me he's tired or he's had a long day at work. I have had to ask him for it which used to be the other way round. We've had 3 miscarriages over the last 3 years so I don't know if that has changed things. I'm only 25, I just want him to want me in a sexual way.


'I want him to want me in a sexual way'

'I want him to want me in a sexual way'

Hi Alexandra,

If he really wanted a child- then perhaps the lack of sex is linked to the miscarriages. He may feel like he's done something wrong or that you blame him in some way for losing the babies.

He may want you sexually, however if he still feels sadness over the miscarriages, this could be the thing that's putting him off. It might be worth enrolling in some counselling if you feel like you can't talk about this together to get to the route cause. With that said it might help to try and talk about it with him first.

Perhaps he needs to learn how to see sex as a means of connecting with you again rather than just to have a family. He may need to separate the two so he can enjoy sex with you again.

If he is tired and doesn't want sex during the week- could you suggest it to him at the weekend once he's had a rest and you both have two full days together? If he is using work as an excuse then he may tell you what's really bothering him if there is nothing getting in his way. 

It sounds like you might need to create a dialogue around this so you can open up to each other about how the miscarriages have affected your relationship before you can move forward.

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