Anonymous asks :
Hi Lucy,
I don't think he loves me anymore? Hi, I really need some help, I feel completely lost. My boyfriend and I met over the Internet nearly two years ago, and have been in a relationship for sixteen months, we live thirty miles apart so only see each other at weekends as this is the only time we are both not at work. I feel like he's meant to be the one, which is crazy as we're only 19 & 20, and I used to feel like he felt the same, but now I really don't. We used to text all the time, he used to send me really cute messages and he used to be so sweet to me. He's my life, my number one priority, I've changed so much of my life for him, got rid of my friends who didn't like him, changed my job so I was free at the weekends, I'm getting another job so I can afford to move out, and I'm always lying to my parents for him... he doesn't do anything for me anymore. Sure I've been having family problems so he has to have to come here for a few weeks instead of taking it in turns. But other than that, NOTHING! We discussed getting married and having children one day a long time ago but now he says I'm not getting any of that, I've said ok despite how hard it's going to be for me not to have those things... he isn't saving up to move out for like five years, we originally said that that would be when we moved out, not when we would start saving! I'm adjusting my whole life for him and he isn't doing anything! Last Easter he changed and he's been like this ever since... I love him so much and don't want to lose him, but I think I'm going to if we keep fighting like we do...he says he loves me and can't say enough... it is true he says it every time we hang up the phone... but I'm sick of being treated like this... like he wants me to the be someone else...
Hi Anonymous,
Agony Aunts on Female First
There is an expectation for effort to trail off the longer you are with someone, as you get more comfortable with one another and feel like you don’t need to try so hard to impress. That said, it sounds like the relationship might be quite one sided. You are the one who has had to change her job, her friendship circle and feeling like you have to lie to your parents for him. It sounds like he has put the stoppers on some very big decisions for the future that you admit you still want but are willing to sacrifice for him- do you think you might regret this in a few years’ time? These are things that you don't have to give up if you don't want to, so try not to deny yourself of anything- thay are still within your grasp.
It is one thing to say you love someone but they have to show it too. Do you feel his actions support his words? If not, then it might be time to review your relationship and decide whether you are willing to keep sacrificing things for his sake. Or whether you want to break away and find someone who wants the same things as you do and is willing to be in a two way relationship.
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