Hi Sam,

This does sound like a huge conflict of emotions- wanting to make sure your children still see their father but trying to look after your own feelings at the same time.

Why did you break up? If it was over something that you will never be able to agree on or get over, then perhaps being apart is the best thing for you. If this is the case; try to focus on this. It is tempting to think about all the good times you had together, however if this was overridden by bad times; arguments and anger then this should help you refocus on the decision you made.

Have you talked to him about the possibility of you getting back together? If you genuinely feel like you could make another go of things then maybe talk to him about it. It might just be that you are missing the support and the company rather than him- the habit of having someone around. So think about if it is the person you miss or the personality. If you do want to try again then you will both need to be 100% committed to overcoming the problems you had last time of the same pattern of events will happen again.

Could you ask someone else to be there or take your kids while he visits. You parents or a friend perhaps? If they could be there instead of you while he visited then this might give you the space you need to be able to move on.