Abbie asks :
Hi Lucy,
I'm having feelings for a mutual friend of me and my boyfriend. I'm 23 and have been with my boyfriend for ten years, we have a 2 year old and I do still love him very much. However for about a year and a half I've being having feelings for a close friend of ours. I have known this guy for a bit longer than my boyfriend and he is one of our closest friends. I can't stop thinking about him. We flirt all the time when no one’s around, but we've never actually spoke about how we feel. I'm so scared of losing my boyfriend but I don't know how to make this stop. I really feel like I'm falling in love with him...it's such a messy situation. The friend has recently got engaged but has confided in me that he only did it to make a statement. Please help me!
Our Reply
Hi Abbie,
It sounds like these are the only two close men in your life, so chances are you will always be comparing them. If things are not great between you are your partner it’s normal to look elsewhere; the issue comes when you act upon it and if it becomes more than just flirting.
If you have never spoken about how you feel then how can you be sure that your feelings are reciprocated? He may have been making a statement with the engagement but are you certain that it’s something to do with you?
It could be that if you have never been with anyone else that you feel like you have missed out on the chance of being with someone other than your partner. I would say, take your friend out of the equation if he was not on the scene how are things with your partner? Would you want to leave him if there was noone to potentially go to? If you wanted to leave anyway then that is more about the state of your relationship as it stands, but if it’s only because your friend is flirting with you then perhaps you are getting a kick out of something that is now missing from your partnership.
People tend to look for things that are lacking in their own personal life, and if you have not felt the rush of flirting for a long time with your partner this could simply be bringing back memories of when things were more fun with your boyfriend.
Just try to be honest with yourself and those around you or you could end up hurting those closest to you.
tagged in Love boyfriend yin and yang agony aunt
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