Lian Saha asks :
Hi aunts Yin and Yang. One of my best friends is just generally not happy with his life, because he didn't do very well in school and does not have many good relationships in his life. However, he has recently admitted that he is angry that I am completely happy with my life and his not happy for me. Basically, he does not like the fact that I am happy with my life, because he isn't with his. I confronted him about this and personally I feel he is being very selfish. He says that he cannot be happy for others because he is not happy with his own life to begin with. There are many other people in my life with more money, talent, friends and other luxuries than I have, yet I am still happy for them. As we are really close friends I expected him to be happy for me, though he clearly isn't. Is it wrong for me to want him to be happy for me as one of my best friends, not to mention I would be happy for him if he had a better life than I did? Or is he right to resent my happiness? Sincerely, a confused friend.
Yin replies
There is nothing wrong with wanting your friends to want the best for you. Friends are rarely on a par with their achievements. Being happy for someone when you are not in the best place is hard, however some save face and don’t admit their jealousy which is a normal reaction.
It sounds like your friend should talk to someone. Perhaps suggest talking to their family or friends about why they are feeling down or perhaps the Samaritans, they are on offer 24/7 to help any time that someone feels down about their life and the things in it.
Yang replies
When someone is that far into their own feelings of despair, they can often be blinded by how they are making others feel. This is nothing personal; it is more a reflection of how they are reacting to their own hurt.
Perhaps try and assist him to find a way to get out of the rut he is in by helping him to enrol on a course to get back on the job ladder or by taking him out to meet new people. It is not your responsibility to get him back on track but you can offer help and encouragement- the real effort is down to him and how much he wants to rid himself of feeling this way. Help him put the staps in place, but he needs to take the first one to recover.
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