mary asks :
This summer I moved to the US with friends from home for 4 months. 1 of which is my boyfriend. This was the first time we lived together. By our last month we bickered and fought, something we never did. I found myself not wanting to talk to him when we were in a big group. I met an older man in work and I began to see him outside of work. I have never cheated before, I always looked down on people who did, however, I have now cheated on my boyfriend of 1 year, I never felt guilty either which is what worries me the most. The man whom I began to see is a man in an open relationship, I worked in a restaurant he went to and so I was aware he sees a lot of other women. Despite knowing this fact I can't get over him. I am back home now, not in the US and we still talk everyday. I am still with my boyfriend but we still fight all the time. I want to brake up but yet I want to stay with him. We have all the same friends and I know if we did end it I would have to say goodbye to a lot of them. I will never be with the man from the US in a relationship but the excitement of him is clouding my judgement. I don't know what to do. He is coming to Europe soon on a business trip and wants to meet up with me. I want to go, but I know I shouldn't. What Should I do?
Yin replies
Moving in with a partner is difficult, especially if you have the added pressures of being away form home for the first time and living with other people. If you have cheated on your boyfriend and want to break up with him, then perhaps you should bite the bullet and end it. You might lose some of your friends, and it will be awkward for a while, but those who are your true friends will come back to you and things will get easier in time once everyone adjusts to you two just being friends.
Perhaps the guy in the US was good for you at the time, to make you realise what you have with your boyfriend is perhaps not the best thing for you. The excitement of seeing someone who is as exciting as him, may have encouraged you into having an infatuation with him. In reality he is a long way away and could you stand knowing he is with other women while he is with you in the long term?
Yang replies
If you meet up you need to be clear about what the expectations are. If there is any doubt in your mind that you will feel hurt and disappointed afterwards then I would advise to stay well away. It may that what you need is a fresh start with someone other than either of these men.
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