melissa asks :
Hi Lucy,
I am engaged to my boyfriend of 3 years and I have two kids with him. I love this guy to bits. But there is a problem. My ex (who was my first love). It started off when I had a dream about him the other night and in my dream, I saw us getting back together and him telling his wife (he is married now) that he was divorcing her. We only split up because I had to leave the town were I was living due to family differences and that’s why he got back with one of his former girlfriend's and married her. He told me when I left he wished I stayed as he missed me. Anyway, long and short of it is, all my feelings for him have come back and now I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to tell my partner that my feelings for my first love has come back and hurt him and I don’t want to tell my ex that I love him again and want to try again in case of ruining things for him. What do I do??
Our Reply
Hi Melissa, thanks for writing in!
You are engaged and he is married, so by making any moves you will be break up two families. Perhaps the dream has just put the idea in your head about wanting to get back together, it seems a little rash to get back together because of what happened while you were asleep.
If you love your partner then perhaps you owe it to him to give things another go. Often we look elsewhere when things are not going well in our own relationships and exs are convenient because they are safe and familiar. Why not try to make improvements at home first in whatever you feel is slacking in your relationship.
Take your ex out of the equation, if he was not there would you stay or would you leave your current partner- that is the question you should be asking yourself- if you don’t want to be with your partner then you need to have a conversation with him. Trading him for someone you consider better right now might be due to a little of the ‘grass is greener’ complex. Try not to complicate things by adding your ex in the mix and just look at your current partnership- are you happy with him or not? If not deal with your ex later.
Good luck,
Lucy x
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