Shaz asks :
Hey Lucy,
My boyfriend suffers from social anxiety and depression, this also affects are sex life. We have next to no sex, when we do its just oral and sometimes he cannot keep an erection. I have asked whether he has a porn addiction as he is always watching it, but he said that it doesn't work then either. But I’ve looked through his phone and he’s on it whenever I’m not in the house. I know he’s not cheating, but I just don't know what to do. Please help.
Hi Shaz,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Depression and anxiety are a common cause of reduced libido. Has he been treated for either of both of these? If not then perhaps its time to go the doctors and look into some counselling or other form of treatment.
If he is on medication for example, then maybe this is not helping the issue. Some medications are more suited to one individual than another and one side effect of anti-depressants can be lack of sexual drive. Maybe he needs to take a different medication.
If he is watching a lot of porn maybe it’s to try and get a rise out of himself, without disappointing you every time you have sex. If he is not getting an erection while watching it and does it regularly, then that could equate to a lot of nights where you could both feel deflated about your sex life. On the outside it might not seem the ideal thing, however it might be better than you both regulalry feeling like you have lost your sexual chemistry together.
If you trust him and you know he is not cheating then perhaps talk to him and discuss his options with him. It is an extremely delicate subject to talk to men about, however if you are supportive and reflect on how good he is at sex, rather than what you are missing then this might help him to find a solution. If you focus on the things you don’t have rather than what you do this could make him retreat more into himself.
tagged in depression cheating boyfriend yin and yang agony aunt
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.