Hi Tom,

This sounds like an awful shock after so long.

Have you talked to her about why she thinks her feelings have faded for you? Perhaps ask her exactly what it is that has caused this sudden need to separate and if there is anything you can do to stop it. It may be that she has not communicated the problems she has had in your relationship with you and so you have not addressed them to make things better between you both. If you decide to stay together or to go your separate ways- both of you deserve to know where things went wrong and that you tried everything you can to try and come back from this.

Could you suggest relationship counselling? After 30 years, it seems like a small sacrifice to make if there is a part of her that still thinks you both have more to give. With an outsider who casts an impartial eye over your relationship, you might be able to talk about your marriage more openly and realize areas that you can both work on. Perhaps if you talk about the times when you can both remember being happy as a couple then it might help each of you to realize what you had and that with some work you could possibly have it again.