Hi Nancy,

A romantic relationship is often sexual; that is what sets it apart from a friendship. That said many couples still live happily together with little or no sex. The basis of every good relationship is a friendship, which you already have.

If you are content with other forms of affection like kissing and cuddling then there is nothing wrong with this- if you are both happy with this level of intimacy. It may be that he has simply taken longer to develop a trust for you after being in abusive relationships, which might explain his hesitancy to move things on. However you have said that you are not attracted to him so if he was to come around to the idea of sleeping with you- it would seem that you wouldn’t want it anyway. After 18 months if there was a possibility of feeling a sense of attraction towards him it should have happened by now- consequently, this is something that you might never feel towards him.

It is a good thing that you have been able to make this relationship last longer than your others- you two clearly have something that is working.

Why not suggest being friends? If that side of things is working for you then there is no reason why you can’t carry this on. But if you crave sex then it may be time to have this guy as your closet friend but also have a partner to satisfy this part of your life.

It all boils down to whether you are happy as you are with no expectation of sex in the future. If you are then why fix it if it's not broken? It could be that the pressures of those around you have made you worry about the status of your partnership. Have you written in because of what others think about your arrangement or do you actually want more than friendship? Try not to deny yourself of anything if you want a change. Your friendship will always be there- but if he cares about your and you want more- then he should understand.

Lucy x