Rachael asks :
I have been in a relationship for the last two and a half years. We have been happy up until 6 months ago when I started to doubt whether or not I still wanted to carry on with it... When we are at our worst we can argue every week which just isn't right. He also works away so I am left on my own for a big part of the year which puts strain on the relationship. To make matters worse I recently met someone without meaning to at an event in the summer. We instantly had a great connection. I have tried to ignore my feelings for this new person which goes deeper than just lust and have tried to push him away to focus on my relationship and make it work but it just isn't working. I hate the fact and feel terrible for the fact that I'm even considering breaking up with my partner as I really do not want to hurt him but I can't ignore it. I have tried to put my feelings aside for his happiness but people have told me I need to think of myself as well which seems really selfish to me. I have been torn for months and would appreciate an outside perspective on the situation as I feel like a bad person. Some advice would be good.
Yin replies
If you doubted whether or not you wanted to be with your partner six months ago then this should have set alarm bells going. If this is coupled with an unhappy existence because you don’t see a lot of him and argue all the time then you are not getting the most out of your relationship.
Yang replies
You do need to think of yourself because if you care about him, not telling him how you feel will make him hit the ground harder when you do eventually come clean. If you have found a deeper connection with someone else you owe it to yourself to find out where it might go and find some happiness from your romantic life. Sometimes in life we have to cause a little bit of pain to be happy, it’s unfortunate, but if you were to go on you will always be left wandering if you could have had something special with the other guy rather than living unhappily for the sake of someone else’s feelings. He can’t be faring well either if he never sees you and argues with you when he does, you will be making his life easier if you can find a way to stop this. Either by ending it or by seeking some outside couple counselling with Relate to try and make things work.
tagged in Partner Relationship Happy yin and yang agony aunt
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