Rachael asks :
Hi Ying and Yang, I am an 18 year old girl and have been with my boyfriend, who is two years older than me, for five years. Recently, we have been constantly talking about moving in together, getting married and having children in later years. He has only had one sexual partner before me, which was his previous girlfriend, and I lost my virginity to him. I find our relationship strange as everyone I know has never kept a boyfriend/girlfriend longer than a year, and sleeping around is the norm, if not a formality. We are head over heels in love, and we both know for sure we will stay together for years to come. But something is making me question if it really is possible for childhood sweethearts to stay together throughout their lives. My parents have stayed together for 20 years, so there is not a situation of strayed parents to make me worry. Because he and I have not fully experienced the 'thrills' of young adulthood, a part of me worries that one day he'll crave for his lost youth and leave. Myself, even though I have had no other sexual relations, I know that this is what I want in my life. Him, I'm not so sure. Am I stupid for worrying? Rachael.
Yin replies
Hi Rachel thanks for writing in.
Every relationship is unique and the temptation is often to compare to others. If you were to ignore all the outside factors, your friends, the norm, formality, you might not be so worried. If you are happy, if your relationship is positive for most of the time, if you don’t take each other for granted, belittle one another and reassure each other that you are in love, then embrace it!
Yang replies
You might be one of those lucky couples who get it right straight away and are together forever. It is rare these days but is something to be envied. If you are feeling this way then talk to him about it, chances are he will put your fears to bed and reassure you that you are the one for him. He would not enter into a conversation about moving in, getting married and children if he didn’t.
You never know he might be thinking the same of you because you lost your virginity to him, he might worry that you want to experience sex with someone else. Before you move in together you must be able to talk about issues such as this, because if there is the slightest doubt it would be much harder to undo things after you have entered into these commitments. Remember that you fall hard for your first love and can sometimes be infatuated by someone rather than be in love with them. Sometimes we look for something in others that is actually about ourselves.
Good Luck x
tagged in Parents Relationship boyfriend yin and yang agony aunt
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.