S asks :
I recently told my male friend that I like him more than a friend, he was shocked at first but then said he likes me more than a friend to and would like to offer me more than friends but can't because he works a lot and has no time for me and doesn't think it would be fair on me. I don't know what should I do, do I continue to be his friend and hope he changes his mind or move on gracefully. We have been friends for 2 years and I have noticed that over the past few months he has opened up to me like he never has before and has been making a lot of effort to see me although he stresses he has no time, but makes time for those that are worth it. It left me confused but I finally had the courage to tell him how I felt about him. Any advise on what I should do?
Hi S,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It is a really bold move to tell him that you feel differently, so you should be proud of yourself that you have found the courage to be honest with him. The way I see it is that if you really like someone, you make the effort, whatever the obstacle. Whether you live far apart or work really long hours, you make time.
You have already said that he has made the time for you as a friend so why then couldn’t he as a partner?
He might be shy or have had a bad relationship in the past and he is using time as an excuse not to let himself be vulnerable again. You know him better than me. You know his history- has he mentioned anything about his past that might make him afraid of a relationship now?
Perhaps it’s time you move on gracefully. If you wait for him to change his mind this might never happen. If he has not got the time now what makes you think he will as he gets older? If you are working as friends then try to keep things going, but you could be setting yourself up for hurt if you wait for something that might never come about.
That said why say that he likes you if he had no intention of dating you anyway? Perhaps talk to him and tell him that the time you spend together now as friends is enough. That if he is able to maintain the current amount of quality time with you then you would be happy and understanding of that.
Lucy x
tagged in Partner Relationship friend yin and yang agony aunt
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