Sarah asks :
Hi Lucy,
I don’t really know how to put this so I’m just going to come straight out with it; I think I’m addicted to sex! Every time I go out for the night I make it my mission to pull no matter who it is. I recently got into a relationship with a really nice guy I was only with him for 2 weeks and I cheated on him twice! We broke up for unrelated reasons but the night we broke up I had sex with a different guy. I’m worried about getting a name for myself but If it’s being offered then I just can’t resist, most of the time I don't actually enjoy myself (if you know what I mean) I think I just like being with a guy. I know this is a real problem for me but what do I do?
Our Reply
Hi Sarah,
Often people who are addicted to sex have insecurity or a void and try to fill it with attention from the opposite sex. How do you feel about yourself currently? Sex can be a temporary confidence booster because it makes you feel desirable- however a cycle can form if the men you are sleeping with only make you feel like that for an hour or two- then take that ego enhancer away just as quick as they have given it to you.
If you don’t enjoy the sex then there is another reason that you seek it. If you have no satisfaction from it physically and you are worried about how it is making you look then perhaps it’s because you lacked male attention when you were younger? Was your relationship with your Dad absent? Sometimes girls try to make up for lost affections from their father by trying to get it from other men. It’s nothing to do with sex- it’s about getting male approval and interest to make up for not having it from the main man in their early life.
If you are not a girl who wants the whole boyfriend/ relationship thing then that is fine- however you need to make sure that it you have multiple sexual partners that you are protecting yourself against STDS and pregnancy. Make sure that you use condoms even if you are on the pill or other form of contraception to help fight against the possibility of infections. It might be worth getting tested at your local clinic now just to be sure that you have not got anything from your previous partners.
Sex is something to be enjoyed, but if you aren’t then maybe you need to find someone who is on the same page as you- who wants a sexual relationship but nothing more- someone who enjoys giving as well as receiving. Many women have this sort of arrangement with a man so they are fulfilling their need for sex without the extras that usually follow.
The multiple male attention doesn’t seem to be getting you anywhere- you admit you are not fulfilled- you say that you like being with a guy- so why couldn’t it be the same one if they were more adventurous in bed and wanted a friends with benefits arrangement?
Lucy x
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