Abbie asks :
Hi Lucy,
I'm sure there have been thousands of stories like this but here's what's happening. This guy I was friends with years ago has just started talking to me again and we get along really well. It has gotten to the point where I really like him and he likes me but he doesn't want a relationship. He says it would be "easier to have a friend you could chill out with, laugh with, cuddle, have fun and have sex with, without it being a relationship". I understand that he has been cheated on before and the little girl he thought was his daughter is actually some other guy's. Is it something wrong with me or should I just not waste my time with him?
Hi Abbie,
Agony Aunts on Female First
I suppose it all depends what you want. I get the impression that you want a relationship rather than something casual, which is why you have written in.
If this is the case then you could be setting yourself up for hurt. If he has been betrayed in the past then it is understandable that he might not want a relationship, however, everything he has said he wants is characteristic of being a couple (without the exclusivity or the fidelity).
If these are things that you prioritise when you are with someone, then you might always be at opposite ends of the spectrum on this point. If you never agree on this then it is an inevitable argument or wedge between you both, which is not a great basis to build upon for anything that is intimate and undefined.
Perhaps you are better off as friends at this point until he feels he can trust another woman again. It sounds like you could be the guinea pig for him establish his faith in relationships again- and if being with you doesn't do this, then you could end up worse off.
If you stay in touch as friends, he might come to a point where he is willing to be exclusive with you, however it's up to you if you want to put your life on hold to wait for him or not.
tagged in Friends Relationship cheated
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