Wayne asks :
Hi Lucy,
I split with my ex just before Christmas, we still see each other as he wants to remain friends. Of course I do....I am deeply in love with him, he loves me too but I hurt him a couple of years ago and he can't forget it. I don't blame him. Thing is, we text from morning until night every day, he told me he wants to be friends, when he comes round to my place we sit in each other's arms, cozy up and watch a film. I love this guy with everything I have, always have, I just got into some money problems and wasn't there for him as I should have been. The worries took over my life and inevitably because of that I lost him. I just don't know if I should say goodbye to him, it kills me to know that he doesn't want me anymore but yet we sit snuggled up when nobody is around, I'm confused and just want him back so bad. He told me he still loves me but he need to focus on himself...but surely having a partner doesn't mean you stop "finding" yourself....I love him so much but I don't know what to do...thank you for any help x
Hi Wayne,
Agony Aunts on Female First
This does sound very confusing for you- as you are still acting like a couple in some ways but not others.
It sounds like he is playing it safe and protecting himself from further pain. Although time has passed since you 'hurt' him- he may still be wary that you could do it again.
If you have encountered some problems, then perhaps you should be looking at this the other way around- could he have been there for you more in your time of need just as much as he needed you? If you are unable to help and support each other when times are hard then maybe your friendship needs more work; as these are the moments when friendships are truly tested, more so than when things are good between you both.
If you still text each other than it sounds like you still have a connection and enjoy that regular contact- however is that stopping you from moving on?
Perhaps you could try not acting like lovers when you are in each other's company, as this might be making it harder for you to maintain any kind of friendship.
If he is confused about himself then perhaps it's best that you don't enter into anything romantic as this may only complicate your relationship further. Perhaps try to be more platonic rather than tactile as you are now and see how that goes before making any decisions about omitting him from your life altogether.
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.