Lonely Soul asks :
Hi Lucy,
I'm totally in love with my friend's wife. She confessed that she was in love with me before I admit my feelings for her. She and her husband were in a long distance relationship and I found myself spending way more time with her than he did. I never intended to fall head over heels for her. Their relationship isn't long distance anymore but we still spend a lot of time together, way more than they do. I feel guilty for telling her my feelings but would have felt horrible not being honest with her when she confessed her feelings for me. We've never done anything but I feel my relationship with her is causing her to act different towards her husband/ my friend. I know she loves him but I'm worried I'm going to cause her to make a mistake. Having self-control is killing me. I've never felt this way about a woman my entire life. I think about her every day and even worry about her if I don't hear from her. She has made light of the fact that she thinks about me sexually and enjoys it. I really don't know what to do. She is much better off with my friend. I know she loves him and I know she can provide a much better life for her. I think I should just stay clear but I can't imagine my life without her in it.
Hi Lonely Soul,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If you feel she would be better off with him and that she still loves him then perhaps take a step back from this and try to maintain a friendship. If you truly believe that you can’t imagine your life without her in it then maybe you could try something platonic. That said it is her decision as to whether she feels better off with him or you not yours. Who is she happier with?
Perhaps she was missing her husband and you were there to comfort her when she was lonely, in which case you have been a support for her in her time of need, as friends do.
Have you talked about her leaving your friend? If not then it might be something you could do to find out if she wants anything more from you than just a friendship. At least that way you would know how committed she is to you and in what way.
Perhaps you spent too much time together and you became dependent on each other rather than other family or friends. Maybe you formed habits together and it became apparent when you deviated from them, making you miss her more.
If she is not going to leave her husband then telling you she thinks about your sexually is very teasing- perhaps ask her not to tell you such things if you think it might hinder you moving on.
It may be that you just need to dial back your contact with her so you can get back to place where your life still feels complete without her in it all the time.
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.