Sophia asks :
Hi Lucy,
I was seeing this guy for 3 months, initially he came on to me pretty strong and I thought he was amazing and it seemed he wanted things to go further with me. However, after a while he was drunk on a night out and admitted he only wanted a causal relationship as he had only just come out of a two year relationship with a girl who cheated a lot. Initially I felt like that I was fine until on another night out he was acting really flirty with other girls then it hit me that he was willing to see other people at the same time as me. I knew I couldn't handle a ‘friends with benefits’ situation so I decided to find out how interested he actually was. I ignored his messages for a few days but he just kept texting me getting paranoid I was mad so I thought he did still care. I told him how I felt and that if he wanted to keep seeing me he would have to go exclusive and he replied a really nice message saying he was glad I bought it up as he wants me to be happy and said he respected me for being able to tell him about my feelings and that if I wanted we could change things. I decided that conversation was not good via text so I asked him to come over the following evening. He seemed really up for it but when the time came he never showed up! I was really annoyed and felt awful as it just suggested that he actually didn't care even though he made out for so long he did. I felt really used. He never contacted me so I deleted him from my phone and began to move on. A few days later I saw him on a night out, he was getting really cosy with another girl and it totally crushed me that he just didn't care about me! I really want to know why he didn't turn up when he was meant to and whether this new girl is also just a fling or if he told me he wanted it to be casual because he had met her and changed his mind about me! Also if I see him out again (which I am likely too, my town is tiny!) should I confront him or should I just walk away? Thanks!!
Our Reply
Hi Sophia,
It sounds like he liked the idea of you and him when you could have an open relationship but as soon as you told him that is not what you wanted he lost interest. He might have thought he could be with you exclusively and then changed his mind before he came to see you. But instead of simply telling you, he ignored it and walked away.
If you get jealous seeing him out with another girl while you are apart then if you were to have an open relationship you would probably find it really difficult to maintain. I would suggest walking away. If you see him out, the more you do the easier things will get. You will know what to expect and let it wash over you.
The alternative is entering into a relationship with an arrangement that you are not really happy with. Confronting him will only make it more awkward when you see him out, so try to move on and find someone who does want the same things you do, rather than having to see your boyfriend in a lip lock with another girl.
Good luck,
Lucy x
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