Sophie asks :
Hi Lucy,
A month ago now I was in love with 2 men; my fiancé and my ex sex partner. I got so close to my ex sex partner while my fiancé was at work a month ago I slept with my ex sex partner behind my fiancés back. I told my brother who told my fiancé and we had a break. I fell pregnant but a few days after I had sex with my ex sex partner and I had sex with my fiancé. I am so sure it’s my fiancés baby but just today he told me he’s got a low count of sperm and we had been trying for 2 months my scan is in 12 to 13 weeks but I had sex with my ex sex partner 2 months now. I hope it’s not my ex’s baby as he’s in a relationship and won’t support it and I don't want to lose my fiancé what should I do?
Our Reply
Hi Sophie, thanks for getting in touch.
If you were the one being cheated on what would you want? Would you want to know if your fiancé had cheated on you and the reasons why? Your partner took you back after he found out that you had been unfaithful once, however if he found out again then he might not do it a second time. Relationships go through a lot of strain when a couple decide to try and make another go of things after an infidelity. However, that said, there is a baby to consider now. If your partner knows that you will be on your own to raise the baby then he might think again.
You can get tests done for the DNA of your baby and match it to the father, however could you be content knowing that it was your ex’s baby if you decide not to tell your fiancée about having sex with them both around the same time? You have two options- lie to him and carry on as you are or base a family on a possible lie. Could this be something that comes back to haunt you in the future? What if your baby realises that they could have a different dad and opt to get a DNA test? There are so many ways that this come out now and later that it might be best if you come clean before things escalate.
Perhaps apply for some couple’s counselling if your finance is willing to give things another try. Find out why you went to your ex for sex rather than you partner. If you can work on this then perhaps you can work things out long term. Lying in a relationship generally comes out at some point and is not the good foundation for trust and stability, especially when you have a child to consider now.
Good luck,
Lucy x
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