Vanessa asks :
Hi there. It is my first time on this site, so I hope you can treat me kindly. I am a 19 year old female and recently I have been feeling awfully horny - so horny it is making me do stupid things like signing up on ONS sites and looking for anonymous sex partners. The thing is, I am very conflicted about taking the first step in losing my virginity. As much as I would like someone to have sex with to relieve myself because of all the hormones raging wildly inside, my mind is making me feel extremely guilty that I should not be doing any of these things. Perhaps this is because I am brought up in a rather conservative environment where sex is a taboo subject. Any small controversy about anything related to sex blows up and becomes a nationwide topic. In my social circles, sex is either never spoken about or often made fun off (usually so when I hang out with guys). My family never discuss sex with me, and when they do, they always warn always to be careful when going out or around guys and often imply that i should not have "sexual intercourse" before you are married. I know my country and its people are still not very liberal and are rather narrow-minded. I wish this could change but this is how we have been brought up. I think my circumstances and experiences has become part of my personality that I can't help but feel awfully guilty I would give away my virginity like that to just anyone. I have read about it online giving up your virginity to whom you choose is your choice and never others. I completely agree, but I just feel so guilty and so conflicted with what my body and mind wants that I don't know what to do. Thank you for reading this.
Our Reply
Hi Vanessa, thanks for getting in touch.
One Night Stand sights are probably not a good idea and likely something that you will regret. Sex is something that is pressured onto you form a very young age, but it doesn’t mean that you have to go with the grain and enter into it just be everyone else is.
The best advice I can give is to explore yourself first; the best lovers are the ones that know exactly what they want first. Try masturbation. You can do this with or without an aid, so if you feel embarrassed about buying a sex toy over the internet then you don’t have to, just use your fingers and make yourself orgasm. The more in tune with your body you are the more comfortable you will feel asking for a man to make you happy!
This will also hopefully curb your appetite for sex and stop you resorting to one night stands. Losing your virginity is not the most pleasant of experiences for a lot of women, so doing it with a complete stranger rather than a long term partner will probably make you feel used.
If your family and friends are not comfortable with talking about sex then that is fine but places like this, forums and sex experts are always on hand online to talk you through whatever dilemma you are having and help you with answers and advice. If you feel like you need to talk about it there is nothing wrong with that and certainly nothing to feel guilty about. Sex is a very natural and normal thing for people to engage in and the only way you will learn is through communication.
Whoever you give your virginity to should be your choice not that of someone else, it is your body after all, so do it when you feel ready and when it feels right but don’t do it on impulse- when it comes to orgasm- women don’t need men- so enjoy your ‘me time’ until you find the person you trust and want to take things further with!
tagged in Partner One Night Stand yin and yang agony aunt
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.