Nicky asks :
Hi Lucy,
I am 21 female, I have been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years. We have had a lot of issues, being honest, he is an outstanding guy, I trust him 100% percent but I am so paranoid it is driving me insane. I’m thinking all crazy things that he would never do, I can’t help it. Being honest, I think I’m being a bit obsessive. We broke up a few months ago for a break as are arguing just got too much to handle. We ended up back together and we are each other’s best friend and love each other dearly. All I want is some attention from him, we don’t live together and that’s way out of the question not for another while yet. But I have said this to him so many times all I want is a bit of attention and every time I bring it up he says ok I will or to stop going on about it. I’m fed up of crying and feeling lonely. I feel I care more about him than he does me. He tells me that is not the case; he just needs time to get his affectionate side back up to where it used to be and for me to stop nagging. It will but I can’t help myself! Do you think I should just give him time and keep my lips zipped? I’m at my wits end. I love him so dearly and I no he does as well, we just drive each other insane!
Hi Nicky,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Loving someone as well as having a very volatile relationship sounds very frustrating for you.
A constant barrage of neediness for one particular thing can be a bit off putting for anyone in a relationship, especially if they want to give it genuinely rather than forcing it. This would do neither of you any good. Perhaps stop asking for it. The more you do the more fixated you will both be on it and this might come to overbear everything else in the relationship.
It sounds like perhaps you need to explore why you feel the need for so much attention from him. It could be that you want it as validation that he is not doing ‘the crazy things he would never do’. Why do you seem to lack trust for him?
If you look at the relationship as a whole and if ‘driving each other insane’ and the arguments are taking up a huge chunk of your time together rather than the good, maybe it’s time to go your separate ways.
You speak of loving each other and being each other’s best friend, so perhaps this is where your strength lies together rather than a romantic relationship.
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